Men, Its Okay to Accept Defeat

 

I have silently followed the talk about gender based violence and the solutions offered by all and sundry. Many have agreed that if the relationship is not working the woman should walk out and not wait for her death. As much as I agree with this 'leaving gospel', I think we are all missing an important point. Do you realize that most of the women murdered by their partners met their death after deciding to leave? Now I have your attention.

The 'leaving' will only work once we address the other partner, the man. Our African culture and masculinity has never taught a man to accept defeat or failure. Once a man realizes he is failing in a marriage, he resorts to violence. Once a man is challenged by his woman, he starts reasoning with his fist. Once a woman becomes unfaithful or chooses to move to another man, the partner cannot take it. He decides to use violence to redeem his manhood. Now this violence has graduated from fists to knives, poison and guns. This is the problem we must first address.

We must teach our men that it is ok to fail, it does not change who you are if your woman decides you are not good enough. It does not reduce your stature to acquire the status of a divorcee, rejectee, or ex. A man can still start from nothing and have another successful relationship. People can part amicably.

As men we need to accept the fact that sometimes we are not good enough for some women. We must accept that sometimes we make mistakes that we should take responsibility for. When we cheat and she decides it is over, we should accept and let her go in peace. When we cannot make them happy, we should let them search for their happiness and fulfill their dreams elsewhere. Why destroy someone who once gave you great happiness? Why destroy the mother of your children? Why kill and spend the rest of your life behind bars? Why kill your children and commit suicide just because of a failed relationship? Rejection is not a matter of life and death.

Men, in matters of love and family, sometimes the only way to win is to accept to lose.

 

By Walter Mondela